I often see clients stuck in silent standoffs with family members or friends.
A disagreement happened. Feelings were hurt. Words were exchanged. And now… nothing.
No one reaches out.
No one apologizes.
No one makes the first move.
Because each person is waiting for the other to go first.
It becomes an emotional game of chicken driven by pride:
“If I reach out first, I lose.”
But no one wins this game.
What’s actually happening is far more costly than people realize.
By stubbornly holding your position, you aren’t protecting your dignity.
You’re depriving yourself of a relationship you often admit you still want.
Most of the clients I speak with will say, very honestly:
“I do miss them.”
“I wish we could fix it.”
“I just don’t want to be the one who goes first.”
That’s pride talking—not wisdom.
Reaching out first is not a loss.
It is an opportunity for self-mastery.
An opportunity to practice maturity, emotional strength, and growth.
Because the act of reaching out is not about controlling the other person’s response. It’s about who you choose to be.
You cannot control how they will react.
You cannot control whether they apologize.
You cannot control whether the relationship fully heals.
But you can control whether you allow pride to keep you small.
When you reach out, you gain something regardless of the outcome:
- You relieve yourself of the emotional weight
- You step out of the prideful standoff
- You act from maturity rather than ego
- You demonstrate to yourself who you are capable of being
And the longer you wait, the more likely you are to lose the chance to do this.
Sometimes the other person eventually reaches out first. And ironically, that robs you of the very growth opportunity that was sitting in front of you the whole time.
This isn’t a contest.
But if it were, the person willing to go first is the one who actually wins.
The best to you.