Anticipate Adversity!
Around 2013 I began to pursue my lifelong goal of achieving a black belt in karate. I found a school in town that taught Hapkido (karate) and began my journey. Since I had prior experience in martial arts, I expected a time frame of about 4 years to reach this goal....
Bringing the problem thoughts to light
Many of my clients have been making themselves miserable with thoughts that are so deeply ingrained and habitual that they’re not even aware of what the thoughts are. Through the Stoa Life process, these thoughts are brought to a client’s awareness and often, the...
You feel guilty and anxious over saying “No” and setting boundaries.
Women’s Mid-life Re-evaluation Series There was a time when our survival was intimately connected to our ability to maintain social connections. There were periods in human history when, if one was exiled from their tribe, that individual would not survive. During...
You’ve given your all to everyone else for most of your life.
In a prior post I wrote about the Mid-life evaluation that many women experience. In response to requests for further information on this issue, I’m going to do a brief series of posts expanding on some of the common elements that lead women to the midlife...
“A thatched roof once covered free men”; under marble and gold dwells slavery” (Seneca)
The Stoics were not opposed to wealth. In fact, Seneca was a rich man. Marcus Aurelius was an emperor. In this short statement, Seneca was just warning us against obsession with the material, defining our contentment based on what we have rather than how we live...
You may be in the first stages of menopause, your body feels spent, worn-out…
Before we talk about menopause, it’s important to look back at the preceding years to fully understand why menopause is particularly difficult for women who have been stressed. A consequence of being stressed over the course of years prior to menopause includes the...
Most people take you for granted, expecting, and even demanding more…
Women’s Mid-life Re-evaluation Series As I’ve pointed out in other posts, as a People Pleaser you’ve had your operating system installed early in your life. This programed belief system is so deeply ingrained, that you reflexively act on it daily. To do anything...
Midlife Crisis?
When it comes to men, our society tends to of trivialize and demean the experience. We’ve reduced it to over-simplistic images; a balding, overweight man who wants to re-capture his youth and buy a sports-car. One (female) “expert” advised wives that a sign of male...
Serving is all you know, prioritizing yourself feels wrong.
If you’re a People Pleaser, that mindset was likely instilled in you a long time ago. Probably since birth. You've been taught beliefs like the “needs” of others come first, that it’s vital to settle conflict, avoid discord, and that agreeableness is the best way to...
A consequence of People Pleasing is exhaustion…
Women’s Mid-life Re-evaluation Series As a People Pleaser you fear being disapproved of. This fear comes from a belief that usually sits outside of your awareness yet profoundly controls how you feel and act. Unconsciously, you believe that there is danger in conflict...