Many of my clients described “shutting down” when they encounter conflict. The conflict they experience is usually characterized by an antagonist who can be forceful by talking loudly, interrupting or displaying anger.
Certainly, there are situations when it’s wiser to not engage with such a person.
However, has shutting down become your default response?
Clients who experience this problem report a variety of consequences:
They feel as if their lives have been hijacked
Thay experience anxiety and resentment
They can feel deprived of their voice
The overall quality of their work/life experience declines
Their world gets smaller
Why do we shut down?
Usually, it’s because we have trouble with assertiveness stemming from a fear of conflict. Even when there’s no sign of physical danger, a primal, defensive component of our psychological being often associates social conflict with danger. As a result, we avoid conflict and withdraw by shutting down.
There’s no particular status that provides built-in protection from the shut-down response; It happens to most people.
When my clients realize what’s going on, they sometimes feel silly. Yet, the underlying fear of conflict is a powerful influence on how they respond.
Happily, this is one of the easier problems to fix. We first go through a process that helps them reconceptualize conflict so that it’s no longer unconsciously experienced as a danger. Then we form a strategy which includes mindfully practicing assertiveness. Acting in an assertive manner confirms to their unconscious brain that social conflict can be unpleasant but not dangerous.
Using this process, clients shift to standing up for themselves and taking further control of their lives.
The very best to you.