Clients sometimes express disillusionment because they’re having trouble pursuing their goals.
This dilemma can occur because they’re using unhelpful criteria to identify their goals. For example, a client I worked with reported that his goal was to make more money. Even though he was doing well financially, he believed he needed more money to provide added opportunities for himself and his family. That was his “why” – a vague notion of opportunity and the belief that more is better.
Yet for him, the prospect of having to generate more income left him feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. This was because he hadn’t fully examined his “why.” He also had not carefully defined what “opportunity” really meant to him.
In order to truly understand the “why,” he had to reexamine his values. As we explored this dimension of his life, he realized that what he wanted was time – more time to take care of himself and do things that he loved and that relaxed him (an identified value), activities like casual reading and cycling. He also wanted to spend more time with his family (value). His children were growing up and he was increasingly aware of the clock running down on their childhood.
Without an authentic examination of his values, he operated under the belief that the most important thing he could do was “provide” for his family. Perhaps to an extent that was true, but again, the idea of providing needed to be clearly defined. In other words, “provide what?”
In his case he shifted to align with his true values. He decided that more quality time with his family, being more present, more patient and loving, was an important way to provide.
So rather than working more, he cut back on his hours and made some tradeoffs that facilitated a life that reflected better self-care and the chance to be authentically present with his family. I check in with him periodically and he hasn’t regretted his decision.
Very often we set goals without sufficient introspection and assessment of what those goals may or may not achieve for us. One important tool for assessment is reviewing and identifying our deeper values, then aligning our goals with them.
Once our goals are in alignment with our values, the way forward becomes very clear.
The very best to you.