Lots of people have trouble making conversation, particularly with strangers. For some of my clients this problem has been an issue that has prevented them from meeting their goals. The phrase “Small talk” (AKA making conversation) may sound trivial, but it’s an important skill that helps social engagement and enhances networking, personal growth, and career success. It’s often the first step in building lasting relationships and navigating social environments effectively.
So, why do some folks experience anxiety over making conversation? Here a just a few common concerns:
- Fear of judgement – Clients sometimes worry about saying the “wrong things” or being boring. They particularly dread a long pause where they feel awkward because they don’t know how to keep the conversation going.
- Feeling insecure – They have low self-esteem and worry that they’ll be “discovered” as inept in some (vague) way. As a result, they have trouble making eye contact. They also unconsciously blade their bodies and point their feet away from their conversation partner. It’s as if they’re ready to run.
- Overthinking – Clients sometimes feel pressure to be entertaining and therefore overcomplicate the process leading to confusion and anxiety.
- Introversion – Some of us are introverts (Yes, that includes me…) and we find certain settings draining. This is especially true in crowded environments where there’s lots of noise and visual distractions. Introverts can easily feel overwhelmed under those conditions and coupled with one or more of the above factors, can feel anxious over making conversation.
Recognizing these barriers is the first step toward overcoming them. It’s important to note that the first three listed barriers have to do with your perceptions regarding conversations. The fourth is a matter of personal temperament but can still be effectively addressed via cognitive and behavioral techniques.
With practice and a focus on building confidence, you can improve your conversational skills, reduce anxiety, and foster stronger social connections, eventually resulting in personal and professional growth.
The best to you.