I’ve heard many people say, “It stresses me when I think about confronting my boss. I could never do that” Lots of people would agree with that sentiment: “Of course you should be nervous about confronting your boss.”
But is that true?
When I was in law enforcement, I realized that there were a variety of personalities that were necessary to make a well-functioning Police Department. Among the many characters are the Rebels. It seemed that no matter what policies the chief established, they were always happy to inform him of their displeasure. In fact, it seemed as if they enjoyed the conflict.
Meanwhile, there were other officers in the department who despite exhibiting amazing courage on the street, would express extreme anxiety over displeasing the chief. I could see their fear rise-up just being in his presence. They would respond to him with a quivering “yes sir.” I used to describe it as “shaking in their boots.”
So how do we explain the difference between those in my department who are terrified of the chief, and those who enjoyed confronting him? Why is this important to understand?
The answer is an important key to understanding why people experience anxiety. In each case the experience of anxiety or the pleasure over confronting the boss stemmed from how they thought about it.
In short, for most people who are experiencing anxiety it is their thoughts that cause their upsetting emotions.
“Change your thoughts and you can change how you feel.”
The above is a simple idea. However, it is not an easy thing to do. Most of us know that. We’ve tried many times to think positively or to put things out of our minds. Unfortunately, such techniques have only limited effectiveness. The research has shown that it takes a systematic approach and sometimes challenging work to change how we think and in time, make our lives better.
Fortunately, there is an available process for acquiring the needed skills that has been proven through decades of research and clinical application.
So the important take-away for the anxious is that it’s our thoughts that lead to the anxiety.
This is good news for most of us because it means that we can make ourselves feel better by learning the skills of thinking differently. We have been taught that our emotional wellbeing is dependent on our circumstances. But that’s just not true.
To know that you can rid yourself of anxiety can be very empowering.
To do so is liberating.