Jessica constantly worried that her husband would have an affair. She began to obsess over the idea and became hypervigilant. He never gave her any reason to believe that he was cheating on her, but that didn’t stop her from worrying.
Jessica often badgered her husband with questions about where he’d been, who he was talking with, and insisted on inspecting his cell phone. It’s no surprise that over time her behavior caused a strain in their relationship. When she came to see me, Jessica admitted that she really didn’t have any evidence her husband was having an affair. She believed, however, that worry and hypervigilance, would prevent infidelity. Unfortunately, she didn’t appreciate the damage she was doing to her relationship by being excessively worried.
Jessica was experiencing Magical Worry. Magical worry is the belief that if you focus on the feared situation, you will prevent the event from occurring. This subtle type of worry can extend the anxiety experience into a chronic problem. People are afraid to stop worrying because they believe that stopping will allow the feared event to happen.
As the anxiety continues, people experience more problems. They commonly become irritable and can develop significant anger issues. Being anxious over an extended period can also lead to depression and health issues such as high blood pressure, headaches, and ulcers.
We have little control over the events that occur around us. While we can help influence them, it’s important to acknowledge that most outcomes are not in our hands. Chronic worry has no beneficial impact on any situation. This can be a difficult idea to accept; we have all sorts of rituals and anecdotal stories that help us “confirm” that we have more control than we actually do.
So, what’s the best alternative to Magical Worry?
- Accurately assess your control over events to determine the most effective way to navigate the situation.
- Once in that corrected headspace, you’ll be thinking more clearly, and your problem-solving skills will be more effective.
- Make a checklist of practical actions you can take. Are you doing them? If so, there’s a good chance you’ll be able to lessen the intensity of that worry.
Rather than purely worrying, Jessica learned to engage in meaningful conversations with her husband which created a deeper connection. As their relationship became stronger, Jessica’s concerns about infidelity dissolved.
The very best to you all.