Throughout my experience in coaching and therapy, I’ve had the privilege of helping many people transform from People Pleasing to a more balanced way of life.
One topic I cover with clients involves anticipating the responses of their social network. Many relatives and friends of former Pleasers are glad to see the positive changes. However, People Pleasers tend to attract folks who are accustomed to demanding a lot and giving little in return. As I’ve noted in my prior post, “takers” can be friends, family members, supervisors and coworkers. They’ve become used to the People Pleaser towing the line and solving most of their problems.
When people pleasers change their behaviors, takers don’t like it. They often double-down on their manipulative behaviors, hoping to “correct” the former Pleaser. Part of my approach is to prepare former Pleasers for the blowback they’ll likely experience. Takers will express anger, disappointment, and even belittle the former People Pleaser, ironically calling them selfish.
This can be particularly challenging and disappointing for the Pleaser who has been doing so much for so long.
The growth and transition into assertiveness and self-care would be incomplete if they weren’t prepared for friction. Most takers eventually learn to accept the new assertive behaviors. They may also learn to take more responsibility for themselves.
Experiencing a shift in mindset means being confident and assertive no matter how others respond. That’s an important key to making a lasting change.
The very best to you all.