“I can’t stand it when he talks to me that way…”
“I can’t stand it when she chews her food so loud…”
“I cant’s stand my boss…”
“I Can’t Stand It” is another common thinking error. In the REBT paradigm we call it Frustration Intolerance. The error is so common that we engage in it without even questioning whether it’s true or useful to us.
In fact, it’s detrimental to our physical and emotional health.
The above “I Can’t Stand Its” are common assertions that I hear. Thinking along those lines leads to frustration, anger, and anxiety. And it’s just not true. You can stand it, as evidenced by the fact that you have for a long time, yet it hasn’t killed you.
When we use language that equates to “I can’t Stand It” we activate our bodies as if we’re encountering something that we literally can’t stand; something that would do us physical harm. Intellectually, we understand that things like our jobs won’t kill us, however, when we unconsciously mislabel events, we’ll likely experience unwanted outcomes.
Mislabeling leads to the activation of the fight (anger) or flight (fear/anxiety) system. Even though the negative events are really important to us, it’s vital to avoid using inaccurate language when describing them to ourselves.
Frustration and anxiety have detrimental cumulative effects on our bodies. In addition, when we (inadvertently) frustrate ourselves, our problem-solving skills and social interactions are compromised.
To fix this habit, we need to look at the specific event that we are upsetting ourselves over. We’re not trying to trivialize legitimate concerns…
But is it a matter of life and limb?
More likely, it’s something that is inconvenient or unpleasant. Once you recognize that you’re upset over a relatively minor occurrence, change your language, tell yourself it’s inconvenient or unpleasant rather than dangerous to you. Also, visualize yourself being calm the next time.
If you practice this over time, you will find that you are much calmer and more tolerant of life’s inconveniences.
After all, you Can Stand Them.
You already have, many times…
The very best to you.