When it comes to men, our society tends to of trivialize and demean the experience. We’ve reduced it to over-simplistic images; a balding, overweight man who wants to re-capture his youth and buy a sports-car. One (female) “expert” advised wives that a sign of male midlife crisis is that he will be “egocentric or narcissistic.”
Such labels are sexist and utterly inaccurate. As a psychotherapist, I have observed that when people are in crisis, they understandably focus on how it is affecting them. It’s a normal response. So, why is it that if it’s a middle-aged man in crisis and he focuses on himself, it’s labeled as narcissism?
What we call midlife crisis for men is a life stage of re-evaluation that comes after certain milestones have been reached. Below are some common factors I’ve noticed in my male clients experiencing what I call midlife re-evaluation:
You’ve fought the good fight and have accomplished many of your career and financial goals.
You feel as if you’ve lost your sense of purpose.
Your children are adults, or nearing adulthood, so your role as a father has changed.
Your wife may be critical of you and seems unappreciative of all you’ve done for your family.
You wonder if you want to remain married to this person, you no longer feel much love for her, and she seems apathetic toward you.
Perhaps your alcohol consumption has subtlety increased over the years, and you’re getting an uneasy feeling about it.
- You tend to feel depressed and resentful
- You’ve noticed a decreased libido
- You feel as if you’re running out of time to change your life (career, family)
- You’re having an affair or thinking about it.
- You just feel bad most of the time and don’t know how to fix it
Having some of the above experiences indicates that it’s time to slow things down and thoughtfully evaluate your life. Midlife re-evaluation is an opportunity to consciously set a new trajectory in a way that is informed by a lifetime of experience. By mindfully navigating the process, you’ll allow yourself the opportunity to make lasting healthy changes rather than engage in costly mistakes. The first step in navigating this process effectively is to recognize that you’re in it.
Is it time for you to re-evaluate your life?
The very best to you.